Have you ever looked around your home and wondered what your clock might look like if it were a cute cat boy? Maybe you’ve looked at your bed and thought that if it were instead a woman, she’d be super hot? Maybe you’ve thought that your collection of coat hangers would be a group of attractive, thrill-seeking himbos?

Well, if you’ve ever thought any of these things, or heck, even if you haven’t, Date Everything! from Team 17 and Sassy Chap Games offers players a new way to view their seemingly uninteresting furniture and appliances by asking the above questions for us and then answering them on our behalf. Yes, the bed would be a super hot woman.

Date Everything! is finally here, after being pushed back several times. Originally due for release in October 2024, the launch was pushed back to a more fitting date: February 14, 2025. Sadly, our date(s) stood us up and we had to reschedule again, but third time’s the charm! The ever-expanding, extremely ambitious project everyone has been dying to experience has arrived, and I personally can say it’s not only lived up to the hype but surpassed every expectation I had.

You’re a lonely individual, single and living alone, working a dead-end corporate job you hate. The only solace is that you work from home and don’t need to interact with other humans. Turns out, however, that AI is taking over your customer service role, and you’ve been made redundant. All of a sudden, a mysterious package arrives at your front door, a box with a single pair of fashionable aviator glasses nestled inside. You put them on, probably just to see how cool you look, and a whole new world begins to unfold in front of you. The glasses almost seem to come to life, and you’re greeted by an attractive, very pink-looking woman wearing the same aviators. She introduces herself as Skylar, and tells you your life is about to change. She is, literally, your glasses.

Your life certainly does change, as interacting with each of your household objects suddenly brings them to life, with human (mostly) counterparts appearing in front of you while you wear the glasses. These all-powerful glasses are the Date-Viators, and they allow you to Directly Acknowledge a Things Existence (DATE, haha) as they vibrate at certain frequencies, and wavelengths and… Yeah, there’s literally an entire made-up science. I spent a solid ten minutes having Skylar explain it to me, and I was almost convinced it was real. In this day and age, nothing is too far-fetched, honestly. I hate to say Neuralink, but the billionaires could be creating technology for sexy furniture, and we wouldn’t even know about it.

You learn more about the story of Date Everything! from a random guy through the Thiscord app on your phone, who claims to be the person who created the Dateviators. He was friends with the CEO of the failing company you work(ed) for, and has stolen the glasses from them so they can’t be used for… Evil? As the days progress and you meet new datables, the story continues to unfold and it goes down a path of moral dilemma, conversations around AI and the importance of technology being used ethically, all while still maintaining a comfortable level of humour. Date Everything! literally self describes it as a ‘half political thriller half harem anime’ and I couldn’t agree more.

I think cutting out the middle man of excess transitions between days and reaching the next interactions would also be helpful for people who might find the incredibly large number of interactions a bit overwhelming. While each character was fun to talk to and all the conversations felt thought out,  charming and funny, it could feel a bit much when you could only talk to five people a day, and there are a hundred of them to choose from. Not to mention the hidden datables, who have pre-requisites you needed to fill before you could even find them.

Of course you would expect a game about dating everything to be pretty queer thoughtful, right? Well, it definitely is. Before the game even starts, you get to pick your pronouns between She/He/They and because the player character doesn’t have a body, you can absolutely self insert in their place more comfortably than the large handful of dating sims that just assume you’re a guy or actually have a pictured protagonist. The datables themselves are also all over the queer spectrum with nonbinary datables, datables who are in open relationships, etc.  The irony isn’t lost on me, a pansexual person, about how I’m making all the ‘oh you’re attracted to kitchenware??’ jokes a reality. But I don’t think I can be blamed for that. THEY’RE ALL HOT!

The same goes for being inclusive of race and disability, with many datables being BIPOC and some of them having visible disabilities (like Mac, who is in a wheelchair) as well as invisible disabilities. All of these aspects are handled with grace and never feel like they only exist for the sake of diversity. The diversity also extends to the voice actors, with people from all walks of life contributing to the game, including those who openly identify as queer, BIPOC, and those with disabilities. It’s very refreshing to see a project truly embrace as much humanity as possible and to give everyone an equal spotlight.

Date Everything! has come at a very turbulent time within the gaming industry, even the entertainment industry as a whole. In our current climate, where people are constantly arguing about the proper use of AI, if it even has a place within this industry, artists and voice actors are fighting over their rights and creative freedom. Date Everything! is a showcase of immense talent and is a testament to all the hard-working individuals within the creative space as a whole.

Voice actor Ray Chase states, “People are starting to get that this is a game about inanimate objects, but it is one of the most human games ever made.” It’s always impressive when a project of this scale comes together so well, and when you look closer at the team of dedicated and hard-working people who value their craft and talent above all else, it’s no wonder Date Everything! feels as special as it does. A fully human experience that is incredibly inclusive and full of heart, from the moment you open that door.